Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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