Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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