I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
