quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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