I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
