He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
COCAINE IS GR8
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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