But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
