At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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