She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
