I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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