If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
