We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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