I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
