I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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