Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
