Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
