Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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