Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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