Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I touched a dick in church today
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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