am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We were destined to go to rehab together
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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