I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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