Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize