3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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