Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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