Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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