I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
