Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize