Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
