WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
