have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
