I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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