I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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