Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
