so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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