im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
