just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
