I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
