my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
