spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
