Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
