i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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