Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize