I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
