Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
