First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
