I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Sorry about my life...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
