so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
