I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
