I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
