I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
