Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
