Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Everyone says I win the strip club
not ubering you a puppy
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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