it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
