dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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