fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
