Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
