If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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