They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
