And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize