I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
