I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
