Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
