I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
