you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize