He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize