Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
