i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
