You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
