omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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